


Sharing the burden

by Mouse (clandestineAbattoir)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Duck is sad, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Indrid is trying, M/M, Trans Duck Newton, self depricating thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 08:37:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20721332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clandestineAbattoir/pseuds/Mouse
Summary: Duck is hurting, lost in his own mind. Indrid is there to try nd pull him out, and Duck feels guilty.





	Sharing the burden

Duck sat on the bench. The Kepler air was crisp, and the stars were dizzying bright. He felt lost. 

Tears pricked at his eyes like pins, and he buried his head in his hands. 

_ “You can’t keep outrunning your past.” _ The voice in his head jeered.  _ “One day, everyone is going to find out how much of a fucking loser you are, and everyone is going to leave you behind.” _

A nut fell from the tree nearby, clacking onto the path. He watched it slowly roll away. Some small critter scurried across the path down the road. Were he a younger man, he would have chased it. 

But that’s just the problem. He wasn’t a younger man.

Duck had had a childhood. That wasn’t the problem here. The problem was that he had had all of his best childhood memories tainted, as he grew up. Wandering around the forest barefoot had been tainted by the way he learned that he hadn’t had a home, those days, and he had only been allowed to roam free because his grandfather hadn’t bothered to really look after him. Playing sims with friends was tainted by that fact that those friends had never really liked him. The memory of his father telling him how proud he was of him was tainted by the fact that he never heard it much after. 

He sighed, just a bit, through his nose. He supposed there was no use wallowing alone for any longer. He must be worrying Indrid by now, with how long he had been out here. It couldn’t have been less than a half hour, at least. 

As if on cue, Indrid emerged from the trees, bundled up in one ducks old hoodies and a cardigan. He still looked cold. He had sort of a sad, worried look on his face. He didn’t say anything about the tears falling down Duck’s cheeks. He didn’t say anything at all, actually. Just sat next to Duck on the bench, doing his best not to stare, but stealing glances at Duck nonetheless. 

The silence quickly moved from companionable to suffocating, and Duck apparently was going to be the one to have to break it.

“It’s real sad boy hours.” He commented blandly.

“Oh.” A pause. “Want to talk about it?”

“Not particularly.”

“Oh, alright.”

Duck could tell that Indrid really didn’t know what to do with himself. He had long since stopped looking into the futures when he was having conversations with Duck. Said it ruined the surprise of it. Duck just liked the additional privacy. 

The silence returned once again. Snaking its way between him and Indrid, who looked positively downtrodden beside him. It sent a pain through Duck’s heart. He was just trying to help. After a few more moments of silence, Indrid got up, making his way back to the ‘Bago. Poor guy. Walked all the way out here in the cold for Duck to just turn him away. Duck would return soon though, he just needed a little more time to clear his head. 

He did not know how much longer he sat there. He saw five more nuts fall from the tree, and three more small mammals scurry across the path before he decided to get up. The leaves crushed under his feet as he walked. He loved fall. 

When he gently opened the door to Indrid’s trailer, he saw that Indrid was still up (unsurprising), but he was just staring into an empty glass of water (surprising). He looked lost. Just as lost as Duck felt. 

“I wish I had more of a childhood to look back on.” He said, standing in the doorway. Indrid’s head snapped up to look at Duck. Well, no going back now.

“I mean, I had a childhood, it jus’. I can't look back on it that fondly. Most a’ the memories I got are pretty tainted. I wanna look back on it and feel like, some sort a’ happiness, but I just can’t not anymore.” He looked at Indrid, who still very much seemed at a loss. “Sorry.”

“No-no,” Indrid interjected hurriedly, “Please don’t be sorry. I’m glad you came to me with- with this. I just. I don't know what to say. But I’m happy to listen. “

Duck let a forceful breath out of his mouth, and kept talking. 

“I don’ always come to you with this kinda stuff. Sometimes- Sometimes I don’ think I can. I-” he looked helplessly at Indrid. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you don’t.” Indrid seemed a little sad at the confession, but he kept talking. “That’s why I’m glad you came to me with this. You don’t have to tell me everything, Duck, but I’ll try my best to support you no matter what.”

“I just-” he paused, voice cracking. “I just feel like sometimes the weight a the world is on my fuckin’ shoulders, Drid. And that's a burden I don’t want you to have to share with me. I’m always scared Im bothering you. An’ I know you said I’m never bothering you, but I feel it anyway. I wish I didn’t. I’m real sorry, Drid. You have no idea how much I wanna let you in.”

Indrid’s expression softened, and he just enveloped Duck in a hug. 

“Oh, Duck, darling.” Indrid mumbled into the top of his head. “Don’t you know I’d carry the weight of the universe if it made you feel safe?”

“Yeah. I do. An’ that’s what scares me the most.” He admitted quietly. “I don’t want you to ever be hurtin’ on my account. I don’t know if I could live with myself.”

Indrid stopped hugging him, and Duck immediately missed Indrid’s arms around him. Had he said something wrong?

Indrid’s hands were suddenly cupping his face, and He was looking Indrid in the eyes now. Indrid looked… so sad. Duck realized with a twist in his gut that he had put that look on Indrid’s beautiful face. He was responsible for the despair of one of the most beautiful men in the world. Clearly, he did not deserve Indrid’s kindness. But he gave it to him anyway. 

“Duck,” Indrid pleaded earnestly. “Duck, I want to share this burden with you. I can’t bear to see you hurting like this. I know, it’s not going to be easy for you, and there is going to be missteps, on both our parts. But I want to try and help you. But we have to try together. Please.” He closes his eyes and leans his forehead against yours. A few tears slip out from behind his glasses. You did this to him. You made him cry. You are a horrible person. Indrid should never be around you. 

“Duck, I know I don’t look into the future with you often, but there are futures where you said that out loud. Please, stop thinking like that. I’m crying because you’re hurting and there is nothing I can do to help and I feel useless. You are not a horrible person, and I would be much more sad if you left.”

Indrid pulls away again to look at you, looks at you like you are the most precious thing in the world. You do not deserve that adoration. But you don’t tell him that. You just let him kiss you. You guess it’s a start.

  
  



End file.
